Carrying the Message Around the World Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families

Because this is often a major theme for ACoAs, learning to feel and work through emotions healthily is a crucial step in the recovery process. It’s important to remember that you’re worthy of love and kindness regardless of your resume or report card. Pursuing healing through rehab or therapy can help you develop a truer sense of self-love. It’s not uncommon for them to experience difficulties with trust, particularly as they might have an ingrained fear of abandonment. If you’re unsure where to start, you can check out Psych Central’s hub on finding mental health support.

Getting Started

So many ACoAs quickly learn that they can’t trust people6 for love or survival. These rules of operation create an environment where trusting others, expressing your needs, and having feelings is bad. And learning these kinds of lessons when you’re developing your understanding of the world means you may carry them into adulthood.

• This is a huge lesson for many—for better or worse, addiction is outside of friends’ and family members’ control.
• We believe everyone deserves access to accurate, unbiased information about mental health and recovery.
• “Emotional sobriety,”22 a term first coined by AA founder Bill Wilson, is what people in recovery gain once they learn to regulate their emotions.
• Your parents) used guilt, shame, or emotional blackmail to control you, often to justify their behavior or avoid accountability.
• Growing up in an alcoholic household can have a profound impact on adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs).
• On the flip side, some children growing up with addicted parents fully reject any responsibility.8 They become dependent on others for functioning.

You become so accustomed to doing everything on your own that it may be scary to lean on someone else for your needs. And even when you do start to rely on others, it’s very common for ACoAs to fear abandonment.7 The volatility of your childhood makes it difficult to believe that love can be consistent. Because so many children of alcoholics experience similar trauma, many ACoAs face similar challenges. Recognizing the impact of alcohol addiction is crucial not just for the individual but for the entire family. Seeking addiction treatment with the guidance of a health professional can make a world of difference.

When you don’t receive consistent affection just for being you, you grow up feeling worthy only because of your accomplishments. And especially when you’re young, the only parts of your life in your control are often your performance in school or extracurriculars. Every month, 150,000 people search for addiction or mental health treatment on Recovery.com. However, as adults, this avoidance can stifle genuine communication in relationships, lead to internalized resentment, and hinder the chance for meaningful, healthy resolutions.

Your therapist will teach you how to identify and monitor your emotions and give you strategies to deal with unwanted feelings like relaxation techniques. The goal is to interrupt your regular patterns of reacting to emotional situations and replace them with more positive behaviors. Even if you don’t have a diagnosed mental health condition, the trauma of your childhood can affect you in many ways. Many rehabs offer trauma-informed programs to help you heal from your past, and learn healthy ways to communicate and cope. It’s common for parents addicted to alcohol to show affection inconsistently.4 One moment they may be loving, while the next they’re cold or cruel. And when someone becomes addicted to alcohol, drinking becomes the priority.5 As a result, working, providing food, and attending school functions fall by the wayside.

Al-Anon and other organizations offer virtual meetings for your convenience. Residential rehab programs give you access to multiple therapies and a supportive community to help you in your healing journey. For example, one of the 9 phases of Affect2U’s treatment program focuses on ACoA-specific challenges.

Resources for Adult Children of Alcoholics and Their Families

Breaking the cycle is a continuous process, and it may involve setbacks and challenges along the way. However, with therapy, support, healthy coping mechanisms, boundaries, and self-care, adult children of alcoholics can embark on a journey towards healing, personal growth, and a more fulfilling life. Remember, you are not alone in this journey, and there is support available to help you navigate the path to recovery.

• Growing up without being able to trust others or even rely on your parent for consistent affection may make you fear intimacy in adulthood.
• Whichever camp you’re in, it’s important to remember that whether or not you develop issues from your childhood is not a reflection of your character.
• Many ACoAs also grow up feeling like it’s their job to keep their family afloat.
• Our hope is merely to capture the spirit of the fellowships, and to approach people with the language they commonly use to describe the disease of addiction.
• It may involve taking time for hobbies, engaging in regular exercise, practicing self-compassion, and seeking out support from loved ones.
• However, these coping mechanisms may no longer be adaptive or healthy in adulthood.

ACoA Support Systems and Recovery

Growing up with a parent addicted to alcohol can make for a difficult childhood. Some adult children of alcoholics, (or ACoAs) turn to alcohol themselves, while others find themselves disconnected from the world around them. Others may develop a mental health condition that holds them back from fully living life. No matter how your childhood affects you in the long term, rehabs that treat trauma can help you release the hurt of a childhood affected by alcohol. Growing up in an alcoholic household can have a profound impact on adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs). They may struggle with emotional regulation, intimacy and relationships, and develop coping mechanisms that can be unhealthy and maladaptive.

The outside world becomes a scary place when you have a parent addicted to alcohol. Your parents may have taught you to keep their secrets so they wouldn’t get into trouble. Or maybe you couldn’t confide in your friends or teachers for fear of losing your family or getting into trouble yourself. People and systems that are there to protect you instead become something you fear. Researched, fact-checked and transparent articles and guides that offer addiction and mental health insight from experts and treatment professionals. Join our global mission of connecting patients with addiction and mental health treatment.

Treatment Options in Rehab

Healing involves acknowledging and processing the pain, trauma, and emotional wounds that may have been inflicted during childhood. It also involves developing a deeper understanding of oneself and the impact of growing up with alcoholism. Engaging in activities that promote self-reflection, such as journaling or reading books for adult children of alcoholics, can be a valuable part of the healing process. Support groups specifically tailored for adult children of alcoholics can also be immensely beneficial. Going to rehab can help you resolve the trauma of your childhood, manage resulting mental health conditions, treat your addiction, and learn positive coping skills.

Al-Anon Family Groups

And attending a residential program allows you to adult children of alcoholics take a step back to give you space to re-evaluate your life. You’ll have access to professionals who understand what you’ve experienced in childhood and how it’s still affecting you. And you can work through your struggles through a variety of therapy methods. Children of alcoholics will eventually grow up to become adults, but the trauma can linger for years.

Having an alcoholic parent can significantly impact a child’s life, often leading to mental health challenges and a higher likelihood of developing addictions themselves. Unfortunately, some ACoAs may turn to substance abuse and addiction as a coping mechanism. Growing up in an environment where alcohol was prevalent can increase the risk of developing addictive behaviors. Substance abuse may serve as a means to escape painful memories or numb emotional pain. It’s important for ACoAs who struggle with substance abuse to seek professional help and support. Understanding these common traits and characteristics can help ACOAs and their loved ones navigate the complexities of their experiences.

Besides the “Laundry List,” one of the most cited works on the topic comes from Dr. Janet G. Woititz. She lists 13 traits that are very common in adult children of alcoholics. These complex environments have given insights to scientists, researchers, and psychologists. They have compiled lists of traits and shared qualities that adult children of alcoholics tend to have.

We also know that many adults whose parents were addicted to alcohol are more likely to develop a substance use disorder themselves. If you or a loved one struggles with alcohol or drug addiction, we can help. Call and speak to a caring professional at Anabranch Recovery Center, located in Terre Haute, Indiana. In the journey towards healing from the effects of alcoholism, self-compassion plays a crucial role.

Adults who have parents with alcohol use disorder are often called “Adult Children of Alcoholics,” aka ACoAs or ACAs. In 2019, around 14.5 million people ages 12 and older in the United States were living with this condition, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA). Alcohol use disorder (AUD) is a chronic health condition that can have a serious impact on a person’s life. “Many people with AUD are unable to have healthy conflict, especially when under the influence of alcohol,” says White. Maybe your parent was irritable, easily aggravated, or verbally or emotionally abusive while drinking or in withdrawal. Experiencing these behaviors from a parent can also wear down your self-worth over time.

This disarray in emotional regulation not only jeopardizes their mental health but can also strain personal and professional relationships. Coupled with this approval-seeking tendency is an acute fear of personal criticism. Even constructive feedback can be perceived as a personal attack, triggering feelings of inadequacy rooted in their upbringing. It can cause children of alcoholic parents to alternate between idealizing and rejecting the same person, creating an internal struggle of wanting closeness while avoiding pain. The solution for adult children is found in the relationship between a person’s inner child and parent, which are two different sides of self.

So you didn’t have a chance to learn how to manage your emotions or react to others’ emotions in a positive way. When children grow up in a home where one or both parents or caregivers struggles with active alcohol addiction, each day can bring chaos, fear, uncertainty, or sadness. They may be exposed to violence, arguments, abandonment, abuse, or neglect. Once these two aspects of self—the inner parent and child—begin to work together, a person can discover a new wholeness within. The adult child in recovery can observe and respond to the conflict, emptiness and loneliness that stem from a parent’s substance abuse, and they can mourn the unchangeable past. They can own their truth, grieve their losses and become accountable for how they live their life today.